I am a frequent reader of fanfiction and i sometimes find alot of quotes in the writers profile. Here are some of the best:
"May he who has screwed over your day have his crotch infested by the fleas of a thousand camels, and may his arms be too short to scratch it. Amen."- The officer worker's prayer
"When arguing with a fool, make sure the opponent isn't doing the exact same thing."- Abraham Lincoln
"I can picture in my mind's eye a world without war, a world without hate, and I can picture us attacking that world, because they'd never expect it"- Jack Handy
"All are lunatics, but he who can analyze his dilusion is a philosopher"- Ambrose Bierce
"Only two things are infinite, the universe and human stupidity, and I'm not sure about the former."- Albert Einstein
"When I die, I want to die like my grandfather, who died peacefully in his sleep. Not screaming like all the passengers in his car."- Will Rogers
"A common mistake that people make trying to design something comepletely foolproof was to underestimate the ingenuity of complete fools."- Douglas Adams
"Just when you realize that life's a bitch, it has puppies."- Adrienne E. Gusoff
"The optomist proclaims that we live in the best of all possible worlds; and the pessimist fears this is true."- James Branch Cabell
"In the beginning the Universe was created. This has made a lot of people angry and has been widely regarded as a bad move."- Douglas Adams
"Destiny is what you are supposed to do in life. Fate is what kicks you in the ass to do it."- Henry Miller
"I too often see people killing catepillars and then complaining there are not enough butterflies."- Unknown
"Stop fighting against the system, destroy it from the inside. That's what germs do!"- fan-fic writer, the Magnificent It
"When life gives you lemons, make grape juice. Then sit back and let the world wonder how you did it."- Unknown
"A word to the wise ain't necessary; it's the stupid ones that need advice."- Bill Cosby
"A man said to the universe, "Sir, I exist!" "However," replied the universe, "That fact has not created me a sense of obligation.""- Stephen Crane
"Life is like a video game; the more serious you take it, the harder the rules get."- fan-fic writer The Rogue Stallion
"The difference between genius and stupidity is that genius has its limits."- Albert Einstein
"Shoot for the moon- you may miss but you'll land among the stars."- Unknown
"Human beings, who are almost unique in having the ability to learn from the experience of others, are also remarkable for their apparent disclination to do so."- Douglas Adams
"Death is like God's way of dragging you by the collar up to heaven, mumbling, "Okay, I think you've done enough damage..."- Unknown
The quotes above are taken from the profile of lithius Amarantinos.
the quotes below are from the profile of the Magnificent it, and unless specifid otherwise have come from him.
"There once was a man, who's name was stan, who was hit in the head with a frying pan, for the simple fact he was from Iran, while he was sitting on the can."
"Let the shinyness shine upon you shinyess of...shiny...just go get hit by a car okay?"
"You know your crazy when you shave a cat, throw it out the window and scream "FLY JUNIPER FLY!"
"Cows are amazing, there utters are there natural defence! You mess with a cow and BLAMO! YOUR LACTOSE INTOLERENT, BIOTCH!"
"So I'm crazy just because YOU have a leprechaun dancing on the ceiling?!"
"It has logic. I couldn't find any, but it still has logic."
"GREAT! Now I'm on fire! Are you happy now, ARE YOU!?"
"I'm not high, I'm insane. There's a difference you know."
"What about a what now?"
"The children will inherite the earth. Your parents are terrified."
"I'm sad! Kill me."
"Dearest god, I have sinned. I was born."
"Every second a million opportunities open, and every second, a million opportunities close."
"Ya, I have a voice in my head. It's called my conscience."
Next are quotes taken from The Rouge Stallion, as above if not specified they come from the author himself:
From this day forward Viagra shall be called what it's original creator had intended it to be called. "mycocksafloppin"
I bought a race horse and named it my face, he isn't very good but it's worth it to hear the spectators shout out "Cum on my face!"
I don't do cocaine, I just like the way it smells
These are personal quotes from the author DevilKeys Writing (his story "Black Flames Dance in the Wind: Rise of Naruto" is possebly the best story i have ever read on FanFiction.net):
I'mo kick yo' ass!(At the start of EVERY video game binge)
I can feel my braincells committing suicide(When I'm extremely bored)
I'm sorry, what now?(When I'm ignoring someone)
You think I give a good goddamn?!(You know you've had these moments too)
I'm going to rip your spine out and use it for a coat hanger!(One of my favorite threats since I was twelve)
Whooptie-fuckin'-doo!(I think this is called "Sarcasm")
Can it, Gaylord.(To the gay clerk at Hot Topic that refuses to acknowledge his gayness, even when I caught him staring at my ass in a mirror)
There may, or may not be something living in your pocket.(Little cousin after he broke my PS2 memory card)
We have a situation here!...I'm horny!(Explanation should not be necessary)
I have morning wood and I can hear radio stations in my head.(I'll leave you to figure that one out)
What in zee hell?!(With completely retarded french accent while making prank calls)
Hey, fuck you, man!(I say this at least ten times every three hours)
Caffine'll kill ya'!(After reading an article about some guy drinking four cans of Monster energy drinks, running outside, then getting hit by a bus)
LIAR!!(To get the full effect of this, you have to throw a random object at someone before saying it)
Death waits for no one, but I'll give you a ten second head start.(A T-shirt that I made)
This is no time for your fagosity!(Halo team tournament)
Stop your fagotronics right now!(before anyone says that I took these from South Park, I was saying that before South Park was invented.)
Don't give me a reason, no one will miss you.(And if they do, I'll have to kill them too)
I'll bet you feel real proud of yourself right now.(After some prick got a lucky headshot on me and started bragging about it...then I shot him in the ass with the shotgun and teabagged him for five straight minutes!)
Put a cock in it!(One time some drunk chick at a bar actually did just that)
Shut it up!
Alright, muthafucka'?!(To be used with the classic, "Agree with me, or else..." look)
Touch me and die.(To anyone who doesn't know me, but still thinks they can be all chumy anyway)
Move along, asshole.(When people stare at me when I'm trying to shoot a movie)
When life give you lemons, punch it in the face and take some apples.(Seize the day, motherfuckers!)
BOOT!!(Right after I kick someone in the ass..or the face)
You just HAD to say something, didn't you?!(When someone says, "At least 'this' didn't happen", then it happens)
You have just been violated!!(I have a habit of shooting people in the ass with the shotgun when I play Halo)
Take Captain Hook out of your ass and let's go!(Weird Halloween party)
Get the fuck outta the way, you'll ruin my shot!(Used both for photography and hunting)
If you can see my face while I'm driving, let me know so I can run you over.(Bumper sticker)
My truck has bigger tires than yours, therefore, I go first.(Also bumber sticker, but not mine)
I want a good, clean fight...here's some bottles and a couple rocks, LET'S GET IT ON!!(Whenever someone says, "Let's take this outside" when I'm in a bar)
Did you feel...molested when you woke up?(I warned him about that woman, and that's all I'm saying)
I'll sodomize you with a rusty chainsaw!(I keep one in the toolshed...just in case)
Find the kid that no one talks to, and talk to him every day. You'll live longer.(Personal motto of mine ever since grade school)
There are easier, and less painful ways to commit suicide.(To anyone that pisses me off)
Give me a dictionary, I'm going to smack some knowledge into you!(I once did that and the guy said "Aardvark" before passing out)And for people who can't figure this one out, Aardvark is the first word in the dictionary, or at least the one I used.
What the hell do I think about when I'm asleep?(Woke up once with my pillow stuffed down my shirt like body armor)
There are things going on in my mind that I don't even know about...(Watched "That 70s Show" and found out that this was true)
Well, when zombies eventually take over the world and eat our brains, look on the bright side! You'll have a lot of hot blonde chicks to keep you company!(Do I really have to explain?)
Are you always this stupid? Or are you making a special effort just for me?(Said to many an Idiot at Taco Bell)
I'M IN UR HOUSE STEALIN' UR PORN!!(I've actually called someone just to tell them that)
Listening to: Getting away with murder, Papa Roach